Are you in an abusive relationship? | Susan Lazar Hart

Are you in an abusive relationship?


Are you in an abusive relationship?

Tue. 31 Jan 2017  |  Ask Susan

This week’s “Ask Susan” question comes from someone who wishes to be anonymous. It is on the subject of abuse, what it’s creating and how to change it. It’s a topic that has come up a lot recently on Facebook and in letters, and is really ringing for a lot of people. Let’s dive in.

QHi Susan, I’ve been with my partner for almost 10 years and he always had this “thing” to go rude and slowly increasing, until I would shout at him. And that would stop him, and he would be kind again for a few months. I have a girl, she’s almost six, I take care of her full time and work part-time (I’m self employed). I pay 40% of the bills. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing. I’m always “wrong,” “lazy,” “selfish,” “I don’t contribute” – that’s what he tells me.

Lately he’s been increasing his outbursts, becoming resentful, angry, aggressive, withdrawn. Last week he hit our daughter with his elbow very aggressively because she woke him. It was 9 p.m., and I lost it and I hit his back. I don’t remember what I said. He tried to blame her. When I attempt a conversation he blames me because we don’t have enough money.

What question can I ask to change this or end this without drama? What else is possible here that I’m not seeing?

We hope you enjoyed this week’s “Ask Susan” Q&A.
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