Do you want more from your partner? | Susan Lazar Hart

Do you want more from your partner?


Do you want more from your partner?

Sat. 7 Jan 2017  |  Ask Susan

This week’s “Ask Susan” Q&A is from someone who is wishing to be anonymous. Let’s dive in. I think it’s something that touches on a lot of “issues” that people create in relationships when someone has moved away and the relationship itself changes.

How many of us want to have that relationship morph into the same kind of relationship we used to have… rather than asking what else is possible and what choices are here for me to actually play with?

Q: “Hi Susan… I got divorced after 17 years and 3 children. I thought this was the end. I shortly thereafter was asked out by my best friend and the last 10 years have been superfab. With tools of access we have created a relationship that works for us… A very weird and unconventional relationship filled with fun and allowance.

My partner has been going through difficult times financially and mentally (serious depression). He has moved away to another place (400km away). I am finding it a huge challenge especially as we hardly stay in touch… I miss the proximity and the great chats. When we do speak or if he does message me, he is very loving.

I require more contact. What can I be or do differently to have more or is it time to end this relationship?”

A: Let’s play with this last bit, “What can I be or do differently to have more…” What have you decided more is for you that actually isn’t for him? How many of us go into a kind of refined judgment: “I know what will be better, trust me…”

By him moving 400 kilometers away, it gives me information that he requires the space to go through whatever isn’t working for him. Just like animals go off and lick their wounds, when something isn’t working for me and it’s really uncomfortable, I’ve got to ask questions. I have to go off and seek more information about what other choices and possibilities there are for me.

When you’re in a relationship with someone and that someone chooses something that doesn’t work for you, ask this question: What energy, space and consciousness can I be to be the space of space that he requires that would actually create more for me?

“Is it time to end the relationship? What can I do differently?” See the polarity in that? What if there were other greater choices for you.

The more you are willing to develop and discover you, the more possibilities and choices there are for you to play with. The idea of a relationship ending, well, all relationships shift and change.

Here’s your tool of the week: Every time you bump up against something that is not ease ask how much refined judgment am I holding in place here? Would you be willing to ‘let it go, let it flow’? In the let it go, you’re being in allowance of the flow.

What if in every relationship there is a season and space for allowing it to shift and change to such a degree that it becomes the nurturing seeds for something greater to show up, whether it’s with that person or with someone else? Ultimately it’s with you. You cannot create a different relationship when you’re not willing to create it first with you.

How many of us have been with someone and it’s been amazing and then all of a sudden it’s not so amazing anymore? What if you promised in another lifetime “Let’s do this again?” But it doesn’t mean you’re going to be doing it again for a lifetime. It means, what if you enjoyed each other for the time you were with each other? Would you be willing to enjoy that, expand it out, and ask for more of that to show up?

We hope you enjoyed this week’s “Ask Susan” Q&A.
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